So… You’ve Decided to be Evil. A Beginners Guide to Being Bad.

The Evil Eye

You’ve thought it over and you’ve come to the conclusion that evil is the way to go.

Congratulations, you are on your way to making the world a better place, for you. While it might seem like being evil should be the easiest way to get everything you want there are a few things to remember as you make your way to untold riches and your enemies come to dread your name.

Friends

None. You have no friends. At best you have acquaintances with whom you cooperate. No one can be trusted. Only the most gullible and stupid would trust you. Associates are like anything else, they are either a benefit or a hazard. If they are a hazard it is best to remove the hazard as quickly as possible by whatever means necessary. If they are a benefit you should maximize their benefit to you, again, by any means necessary. Deception, extortion, and mutual benefit can help you. It is often best to have associates you have known for a long time. The advantage: they are predictable. This predictability makes it easier to manipulate them into giving you what you want.

Enemies

Everyone. At least, everyone is potentially your enemy. Everyone wants the same as you, wealth and power. If you have it they will want a piece of it. If you don’t have it, either they have it and don’t want to give it to you or they don’t have it and want it and you are in the way. It’s important to be able to distract your enemies. Set them against one another, lest they gang up on you. Appear too timid and solicitous to threaten the strong and too powerful and merciless for the weak to challenge you. Remember, guile and treachery are your stepping stones to a better future.

Trust

Trust is for the weak. No one with any sense can be trusted to do anything but look after their own self interest. Make sure that everyone around you has their self-interest aligned with yours. Damaging information can be used to keep others in line as long as killing you does not become the best way to keep such a secret, secret. Assassination brokers can insure that in the case of your untimely demise the guilty party is made to suffer often in ways that will increase the reputation of such firms and attract new clients. Beware the stupid and the righteous. These creatures will often act with no regard to their own self interest or the consequences of their actions. Better yet manipulate these beings into going after your enemies. Remember, Don’t get caught.

Fear

Fear is an important tool to have in your arsenal. It keeps those around you from betraying you. Fear keeps your allies in line and your enemies at bay. It can be used to motivate someone into actions that will result in their almost certain death because they are too afraid to do otherwise. Be aware that your enemies will try to use fear against you. It is often useful to feign fear to convince your enemy that they have you cowed. Bear in mind too that others may likely be doing the same and pretending to be cowed by you. Find these pretenders and make examples of them to better instill fear in the rest. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total oblivion.

Money

Loot, Treasure, Money, Cash. Power brings the gold not the other way around. Having a great horde of wealth only makes you a target for those who want to take it. The power to get money when money makes things more expedient is what’s important. Constantly having to demand and take things is tedious and creates a situation where allies have little to gain from dealing with you. Instead take money from your enemies then use it to make your allies more willing to appease you and give you what you want. Always be willing to demonstrate to those around you that you are able to use wealth to cause those who displease you to suffer. Never place all of your wealth in one place. The best things in life are free, as long as the owner of those things is not in the way.

Betrayal

Betrayal is a sword that cuts both ways. If you come to be known as someone who betrays your associates, others will be suspicious of you and non-cooperative. On the other hand if you are never the betrayer you will always be the betrayed. Betrayal is a science that seeks to find the most perfect moment to withdraw support for your former ally in order to enrich yourself. The best betrayers do it in such a way that the victim does not even know he was betrayed; believes someone else did the betraying; better still the victim is allowed to betray you and in so doing is undone by his own hand. This last option is tricky but has the added benefit of making you seem the more reliable choice to others.

Revenge

Revenge is a dish best server cold. Never rush to vengeance. Whether unexpected or dreaded, revenge is best when done with care and planning. Occasionally opportunities arise allowing you have revenge right away but nothing in life can match the joy of watching your carefully laid plans blossoming in perfect and tormenting ways. Revenge is a sort of poetry that pleases you by slowly creating agony in those who have so foolishly interfered with your plans, like a fine wine slowly sipped from the skull of your enemy.

Take these points to heart, the world will open up for you, like an oyster with a great pearl ready to be plucked away. Just make sure it doesn’t open for someone else first.

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